


Hanschen and Bowser Experience the Third Coming of Jesus Christ

by GonnaWreckIt (Slickarus)



Category: Christian Bible, Christian Bible (New Testament), Spring Awakening - Sheik/Sater, Super Mario & Related Fandoms
Genre: A loving relationship, Alternate Universe, Blowjobs, Chubby!Bowser, Horny!Jesus, I've given up on life!, Inflation, M/M, Magic and Miracles, Multi, The Lord - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-14
Updated: 2017-09-14
Packaged: 2018-12-29 20:50:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12093171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Slickarus/pseuds/GonnaWreckIt
Summary: Please please do not read this if you value your sanity or morals or anything do not click do not read this I am so ashamedbut otherwiseHanschen and Bowser's date night gets interrupted when a holy unexpected visitor shows up.





	Hanschen and Bowser Experience the Third Coming of Jesus Christ

**Author's Note:**

> God is Dead. God is Dead and we have killed him. Nothing is real. Dedicated to everyone who pushed me to this point in my life. You sick, sick fucks.

hanschen and bowser were having their weekly date night when they heard a knock on the door.

“Who Could that Be?” Hanschen said, jolted out of intensely staring into his boyfriend’s orange eyes.

“I’m not sure,” Bowser growled, and went to the door to open it. But before he could, it swung open by itself, like a miracle.

“Jesus Christ!” Hanschen yelled.

“You can just call me JC,” Jesus responded.

“What are you doing here?”

“Hanschen, I hope you don’t mind, but I am also in love with Bowser,” the son of man said, growing big enough to kiss Bowser firmly on the lips. Hanschen looked on enviously, as he had always been slightly embarrassed about the incredible difference in size between him and his boyfriend.

“Can you suck my dick?” JC asked Bowser hopefully. Bowser nodded and pushed him onto the bed that was in their living room slash dining room for some reason.

“C’mere, Hanschen,” Bowser said, but Hanschen stood frozen to the floor. On the one hand, his gigantic lizard boyfriend was about to suck Jesus’s dick. On the other, he was a Catholic. Would it be sinful not to participate?

Hanschen reluctantly moved towards the bed, where Jesus had already stripped off his long robes and was now sitting completely naked. Hanschen had to admit that Jesus’s dick was impressive, but it was still nothing compared to what he knew of his boyfriend’s spiny appendage.

“I’ll try to be careful,” Bowser said as he began to massage the Lord and Savior’s hardening length with his gigantic koopa hands. “I don’t want to accidentally bite your dick off.”

“I survived forty days in the desert,” JC moaned with pleasure. “I’m sure I’ll be fine.” Bowser shrugged.

“Suit yourself.” As soon as Bowser took the Lamb of God’s erect length in his mouth, his belly began to expand. He pulled off and Jesus groaned. “What the hell?” Hanschen’s jaw sprung open, and he was only able to gape at his boyfriend’s new mass. “That usually only happens when I eat bread!”

“Oh, yeah,” JC said. “Sucking my dick has the same effect as eating bread. I hope you’re not allergic to gluten.” Hanschen couldn’t hear anything Jesus was saying over the sound of all the blood in his body rushing to his massive BONER.

“Keep going,” he managed to squeak out. Bowser shrugged and went back down on the Shepherd and continued to grow fatter and fatter with each motion he made along the Lord’s Cock.

“Jesus Christ,” Hanschen moaned as his dick tightened against his pants.

“Yeah?”

“No, I mean, I need a little help here.” He fumbled to unzip his trousers and nearly tripped over the ends of his pant legs.

“You’re into this?” Bowser asked, now easily twice as round as before.

“Yes,” Hanschen and JC replied simultaneously. “Keep going.”

“Wait I have an idea,” Jesus said. “Do you believe in God?” Hanschen nodded. “Then he can bless you.” Emmanuel put his hand on Hanschen’s forehead and he felt himself begin to grow in size so that he was as tall as Jesus. Bowser licked his lips and immediately started sucking on both of their dicks at once. Hanschen’s eyes rolled back into his head when he felt his boyfriend’s turtley tongue rolling in between his penis and JC’s.

“I’m coming,” Jesus warned. “Again.” Hanschen reached out to grab onto Bowser’s shell, and the Messiah did the same. Almost simultaneously they finished in Bowser’s enormous mouth and fell back onto the bed.

“You’re blessed, my children,” JC said after a moment of heavy breathing.

“Can you not call us your children?” Bowser said. “That seems kind of weird.”

“Sorry. Is there anything I can do to repay you?”

“No,” Hanschen answered for him. “Making me big enough to hold my lovely boyfriend is enough.” Hanschen winked at Bowser. “It may come in handy later tonight.”

“I must leave you now,” JC said. “Even though I, too, love Bowser, I can see that your love is so strong there is little room for a third.”

“Little room is still room,” Bowser said, and Hanschen agreed.

“Yeah, like if you ever want to come over and do that bread thing again, you’re definitely welcome.”

“I thank you.” The Son waved and disappeared into a cloud of dove feathers or something.

“Well,” Bowser said. “That was certainly our second-best date night ever.” Hanschen couldn’t help but agree.

**Author's Note:**

> kill me.
> 
> If you enjoyed this, be sure to comment/leave kudos! I'm going to go fling myself into moving traffic!
> 
> EDIT: I did a dramatic recording of it [here](https://youtu.be/47v7kw9eLhk)
> 
> Also someone whom I don't even know drew some GORGEOUS fanart so go [give them some love!](https://potatopuncakes.tumblr.com/post/165339050300/on-the-one-hand-his-gigantic-lizard-boyfriend)


End file.
